Managing the impact of
life’s changes
Whether it be leaving home, starting a new job, being made redundant or losing a loved one, life changes happen to everyone. Whatever the event and whenever they occur, these ‘transitions’ impact on all of us at different times throughout our lives.
In this blog I explore 9 ways to help you cope with life’s changes.
For most of us, at some point and regardless of when such events come; ‘out of the blue’ or ‘planned’, we feel some degree of distress and sometimes prolonged anxiety and despondency as a result.
I will explore some different transitions and ways to cope with these, in a way that can lead to more positive outcomes for your well being.
Some more examples of life changing events include:
Getting married
Not finding a partner
Not having children
Losing your job
Restarting education
Relationship breakdown
Serious health issue
Death of a loved one
Career change/new job
Divorce or separation
House move
Children leaving home
Death of a pet
Types of life changing events
Expected
What if your experience isn’t the same as others who go through a particular event?
New mums may expect to feel so happy with their new baby. Many will do. Some new Mums may feel totally overwhelmed and there can sometimes be issues with forming a bond. Then they may feel a sense of guilt or shame on top of this and it can be extremely distressing. They may find they don’t feel they can tell anyone due to the shame too.
When you get a new job, you may find you miss the routines you are familiar with and your work colleagues, amongst other things you valued. Perhaps you hadn’t considered this aspect when you looked forward to starting your new role.
Unexpected
A pandemic that caused disruption for the world.
Loss of a child. The loss of any loved one can be heartbreaking, however to lose a child may be something that you can never fully recover from. It seems against the natural order of things, a loss so huge it changes your life and expectations forever. It may be you feel alone and as if no one truly can understand the sense of hopelessness.
Non event
Not finding a romantic partner.
Not being able to become a parent.
A non event can leave you feeling very isolated. Others around you will not always be aware of what you are experiencing and may say things that are unhelpful.
You may feel unsupported by those around you, from their perspective, nothing has happened.
Your unique experience
Each transition is such an individual experience, even if it is something many people go through.
It is normal to feel excited about a transition at first and possibly more deflated later on in the process of something new.
The greater your life change affects your relationships and the routines you are accustomed to, the bigger impact you will feel.
It is likely that this may cause a greater amount of unsettled feelings. You may even experience a type of grief due to so much change at once.
For example: If you had a close relationship with work colleagues, moving jobs could entail loss of those relationships. If your new role means your daily routine is totally different you can imagine how this could be a shock. If you move to a new area, everything may feel so unfamiliar.
Assumptions and beliefs
Has what has happened changed the way you view yourself, others or your environment? Did you expect the event to be different from the reality? It does take time to acclimatise to the new situation, for your brain to familiarise itself with the change.
Roles
Is this a new role for you?
Is there any loss that needs to be grieved for?
Loss of a spouse, means losing your role of being a husband or wife. Your identity may be different now. You may not feel whole.
This is a normal feeling. It will take time to adjust to the fact you are a whole person even without your spouse. You have not only lost the presence of your loved one, you’ve lost the role they had and their support of you.
You may like to read a bit more about living with bereavement and loss (see my blog).
How can you cope with transitions?
Are you the sort of person who can ask for help?
How do you cope with ordinary changes?
Do you need the help of your GP or Citizens Advice?
Some people hide from change and may withdraw into themselves instead of reaching out for help.
Where are your strengths?
Knowing your strengths can help your mindset by bringing a ‘can do’ attitude and increase your confidence to support you through the change. This does not mean dismissing your feelings, it is always important to acknowledge how you truly feel. Despite the discomfort of change, can you remember where your strengths are?
Where are you feeling vulnerable?
Being curious about feeling unsafe when change happens can help you identify what you need to get you through this time of uncertainty and possible not knowing.
It’s a real strength to choose to seek support.
Helping yourself
If you are experiencing low mood, what helps to lift you?
Can you plan ahead to find ways that can support you?
Asking for help may include seeking professional support such as counselling or psychotherapy.
You will be offered the presence of another professionally trained to listen well.
Your feelings can be heard and validated.
This helps you to make sense of your situation and feel less alone.
You can be empowered with new coping strategies
You will not be judged and your strengths can be recognised and shown to you.
- Remember your experience is unique to you. Offer yourself kindness during this time.
- Seek out your support network, those you feel accepted and valued by.
- Plan how you can support yourself: eg take part in fun and enjoyable events.
- Find ways to relax and soothe/calm yourself: prayer, meditation, warm bath, favourite music.
- Perhaps learn about mindfulness techniques to help you live in the present.
- Notice your self talk, are you able to be as compassionate to yourself as you might be to someone else going through a life changing or distressing event?
- If you’re able, use exercise such as walking, swimming or going to the gym.
- Acknowledge your feelings, they are yours and valuable. Your feelings can teach you something. Give yourself time to adjust to what has happened.
- Remember there is professional support available. Your GP may be able to help you. Talking therapy is an option you can be referred to that provides a confidential space where you can feel heard and accepted. Therapy can support you as you learn to cope with whatever has happened to you.
If you would like to work with me, I’d love to hear from you