Why do we cry?
Tears are crucial for our wellbeing.
How do you feel about crying?
What was happening the last time you cried?
Crying can be cathartic
I’ve always found the expression “a good cry” interesting — I’m not sure how often it’s used these days, but it points to something important: that crying can be cathartic.
Tears often come in response to conflict, rejection, criticism, or loss. We might also cry when witnessing someone else’s pain — moved by their distress.
Crying helps us process difficult emotions. It means the feelings are moving through us rather than getting stuck. And I believe this has nothing to do with gender — crying isn’t weak, male or female.
Think back to your childhood.
What message did you receive when you were sad?
How did your caregivers respond when you cried or expressed big, angry emotions?
The way we learn to handle emotions is often shaped in early life.
Children learn about feelings by watching and experiencing how their caregivers respond. If a child is told to “stop crying” or is ridiculed — “big boys don’t cry” — they may grow up suppressing or dismissing their emotions.
As adults, they might push feelings down or distract themselves through busyness, alcohol, or excessive screen time.
Crying but not sure why?
Sometimes if you’ve been used to keeping busy as a way to distract from your feelings, or if life has been too busy, you might find tears flowing and you just don’t know why.
I’ve learnt from my own experience and listening to the experience of others that unexplained tears can be linked with loss and grief.
Being curious about those tears and making space to wonder about what the tears are about is important. If you find that this feels too much on your own, you can seek professional support. Even one or two sessions can help you discover what you may be unaware of right now.
Tears are a natural release — they even help flush toxins from the body.
Crying is also a signal: “I need support.” Yet many people prefer to cry in private. This might reflect a lack of support in their past, or discomfort from others around their emotions.
Tears are a release for stress, anxiety, frustration aswell as sadness.
Of course you can also shed tears of joy, such as at the birth of a baby.
Too often, tears are suppressed because they make others uncomfortable. Have you ever apologised for crying in front of someone? I hear this often, even in therapy sessions.
It tells me many people believe crying in front of someone is wrong. And yet, research shows that when we feel securely attached and supported, we’re more likely to allow emotions to surface — including tears.
How can you offer a safe presence for someone to cry?
You can say to the person, it’s ok to cry, just let the tears flow, or something similar in your own words. And you can sit quietly while they express their sadness or overwhelm. It is so important not to stop them crying or tell them to ‘cheer up’.
I believe it is an honour to accompany someone when they’re very distressed. Your presence will be enough to be a comfort if you can allow the person to be sad in your company.
Research has shown that people who don’t cry experience more negative feelings than those who do.
Tears are also scientifically proven to make you feel better.
When I trained as a therapist 11 years ago, I began to realise that sad isn’t bad. Somewhere along the way, I had absorbed the idea that sadness was something to avoid. That’s simply not true.
This is the power of counselling. A strong therapeutic relationship provides a safe space where emotions are welcome, not judged. Where someone sits beside you, fully present, and values every feeling — even tears.
What If I Cry?
Tears are welcome here.
Whatever your relationship with crying — whether it feels awkward or unfamiliar — know that it’s okay. Many people apologise when they cry, but there’s no need to. In the therapy room, you’re allowed to just feel — without anyone rushing to fix or cheer you up.
It’s rare to find a space where your tears are met with quiet, accepting presence — not discomfort. And that’s what I aim to offer.
If you’re curious about therapy or wondering if we’re the right fit, I’d love to hear from you. I offer a free, no-obligation informal 15 minute phone call where you can ask questions and get a feel for what working together would be like.
Please email me here and I’ll offer some suitable times.
Contact me by email or phone if you would like to find out how I may be able to help you.